Something a little different today- a poem, and an expression of emotions. Some people find it therapeutic to write down their feelings. This is something I wrote last year, except the last few verses are new. That is why I feel now it is truly finished and I am ready to share it. I know it is quite gloomy, but life cannot always be full of good. It is the struggles and the hard times that shape who we are. This is just part of the Odyssey that is life… 🙂
Nothing remarkable, nothing stood out
You were just another person in my life
Nothing to indicate what would come, the good and the bad….
The exquisite torture that my future would hold
Cruelly hidden from me
Blind, a newborn not yet schooled in these games
Months passed, and we had quickly become good friends
Without even realizing it I wanted to spend more and more time around you
Your personality infectious
Your smile bringing brightness to my day
Your smirk frightening my heart into a run
Tender and caring, yet strong
And then it hit me….
A force so strong it left me paralyzed
Then confusion set in, the guilt and the pain
a wound so profound, so traumatic
To and fro
To and fro
Pulled in every direction
The battle- one of the mind and the heart
These feelings cannot be!
IT grips, tearing, deeper and deeper
I cannot give in
The pain overwhelms, the grief crushes
And then the realization hits…..
Why does this person not understand?
Why do they not seem to care?
My journey through pain has only just begun
Can they comprehend my feelings?
My world is duller, emptier than it was before
some laughter is gone, and with it a little light vanishes from my world
I miss my friend……
Each day my heart breaks a little bit more
Time they say….
How long is long enough?
Will they realize my torment?
Punished for something that was beyond my control
Made to feel dirty, a perversion of society
The silence leaves wounds that fester
“Imagined” slights pervade
Pervasive in their onslaught
The hurt creeps in and takes hold
I fell for the wrong person……
A simple sighting rips open old wounds
My heart aches for what once was
And fights against what now is….
It is suffocating and debilitating
Nothing fits and nothing seems right
Why must I feel this way?
Why am I so weak?
So abysmal in my attempts at happiness
I am left empty and afraid
Afraid to lose more of those close to me
The pattern is consistent….
But then a change,
I pick myself up
Stich close the wounds
And a new sun appears on the horizon
Life is brighter, clearer
Shadows will always be there
You cannot permanently extinguish them
Stitches come lose…
Now however wounds do not fester
The hurt is re-stitched
Each time quicker than the last
There is hope
From trying times comes strength
I miss my friend….